Self's The Man

Themes:

Marriage, sexism, selfishness.


Content
Larkin contrasts the single speaker to the married man Arnold and how Arnold's life differs to that of bachelorhood.  Whilst marriage is heavily criticised, it is clear that the speaker has thought about it and remains unsure at the end if he could stand it.

Voice and tone

The persona created is child-like, flippant and immature in some respects as colloquial language is used to hide their worries, however, they are also misogynistic, boastful of their selfishness and cynical. Due to being unattached romantically, they are overly sarcastic about the institution of marriage, deeming it to represent "wasting...life".

The tone adopted is fairly casual, with colloquial words such as "oh" and "nippers" appearing to show the lack of respect the persona has towards anything regarding marriage. This could also make the persona less likeable due to them appearing immature though it has been suggested that the upfront persona hides none of the dull realities of marriage and doesn't mask their selfishness, thus making them easier to connect to.

Structure

The poem consists of eight stanzas each with four lines. The AABB rhyme scheme may represent the monotonous nature of marriage or the change of opinion that occurs throughout the poem as the speaker considers whether bachelor life or marriage is more selfish.

Moving into the sixth stanza, the use of "but" signifies the role reversal that occurs as the speaker and their opposite switch. The persona questions whether Arnold is selfish also and "was out for his own ends", thus making them the same. The change of pace, as quickened by the caesura, reflects the uncertainty of the persona as they are unsure what to believe but suggest that seemingly selfless acts can be selfishly undertaken-Arnold chose to trap his wife. Is every choice selfish?

Theme Analysis

Marriage:

Marriage is seen as entrapment which ultimately leads to madness or an untimely death ( the "van" could represent that used by mental health institutions or an ambulance ). It is not based around love but on the necessity of having a wife and stopping her from "getting away", implying that Arnold had no choice and was forced by social conventions to marry. The persona suggests that marriage is a dull hardship and a second job which becomes tiresome and annoying- a man has "no time" for himself. This cynical view of marriage presents it as something repulsive, though the speaker is in doubt as to whether it was a "mistake", as shown through the word "if". Moreover, this view is tinted as Arnold's marriage may be relatively happy but the speaker wants to make it seem unappealing.

Sexism
The view of women is negative and degrading- "women" and "she" objectify the women, making her anonymous and only known for her role and actions. Women, it is implied, only nag their husbands and selfishly take the "money he gets", however, the persona sees necessary items as a waste of money, perhaps because he has no idea of family life with children. The use of the imperative "get" makes women seem interfering and controlling and it is implied that they drain the energy from their husbands.


Selfishness
The title itself suggests that selfishness is a trait that all people have. Whilst Arnold is originally viewed as selfless for giving his life over to marriage, the speaker later changes this view and states that it was Arnold's own selfish choice to keep a women, thus placing the persona and Arnold on the same standing. However, the speaker arrogantly comments that he knows better than Arnold what he can "stand" and that Arnold was more selfish for letting himself into something he couldn't handle. The poem concludes after the hyphen (showing a pause in thought) with the words "I suppose I can", indicating uncertainty. The persona's cocky façade vanishes and self-doubt appears to end the poem intriguingly, leaving the issue unresolved. Who is most selfish? And is loneliness just as hard or worse to live with than married life?


Connections with other poems
Whitsun Weddings- marriage as a "funeral" for freedom, social conventions, isolated onlooker.
Dockery and Son- loss of freedom to important life choices, choice or pressure to marry and settle down?
Talking in Bed-the strain and hardship of relationships




Academic links: http://www.allinfo.org.uk/levelup/self.htm