Postcard to his Wife

Themes
Relationships, loss, grief, marriage, love, religion, memories

Content
In this poem, Abse, clearly the speaker, is writing a postcard to his wife to enlighten her of what he has been doing without her and how he wishes she would return to him. Sadly, Abse's wife died in a car crash at the age of 78 and Abse wrote this particularly emotive poem a short while after. Abse is trying to communicate with the wife he is separated from via a postcard and is deeply grieved by her loss, so much so that he begs her to come home to him when he knows that this is not possible.

Analysis

• The opening line of the poem, though cliché for postcards, is made to have more of an emotional impact through the caesura that follows it to separate it from the rest of the line-"Wish you were here". Rather than being an offhand remark, the reader can tell that the comment is made with absolute and heart-breaking honesty.
• Abse then goes on to say that the "dulcamara of memory is not enough". 'Dulcamara' is an extract of woody nightshade used for treating skin diseases and chest complaints, implying that even the fond memories Abse has of his wife which slightly lessen the pain of his grief are nowhere near enough to make him feel better. Memory is not a balm to his pain and he cannot survive on it.
• Postcards allow a person to reveal their true feelings in a short and snappy manner and Abse is forced to "confess" that without his wife he knows the "impoverishment of self" as he feels so much lesser than he once was and wishes he could return to time when there were  the two of them together. Clearly, Abse is trying not to let his true sorrow come through to affect his wife but he cannot help but reach out to her. Life has lost all meaning and value and the "Venus de Milo is only stone"- this is a Greek statue thought to represent Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Through this statement, Abse is suggesting that love, beauty, history and even the Gods have no power over him now and pale in comparison to his wife. The use of caesura in this first stanza also shows the separation and distance between Abse and his wife and how he falters in his statements as he is overcome with grief.
• The second stanza begins with a command of desperation ("So come home") yet again separated from the rest of the line and followed up by the statement "The bed's too big!". This somewhat trivial sentence is used to offset the sorrow displayed in the previous statement as Abse tries to bring the postcard back to ideas of daily routine and inconsequential matters. A light-hearted humour is attempted to be brought to the poem, with Abse simply asking his wife to "Make excuses" as though she is being kept away on holiday for a time by others and not irrevocably lost to the world. The reader seems to be left out of an inside joke between the couple in which they were "agents" finding a "cryptic message", displaying the unique and special relationship between the two but despite the attempts at humour, the reader can still sense the underlying feeling of devastation and heart-break- Abse is a man clutching at straws, trying to find something solid to hold onto.
• This desperation is further reinforced by Abse's exclamation of "Anything!" The short sentencing coupled with an exclamation mark depict his emotions simply and powerfully, as though Abse is physically crying out for his wife. He does not care what they do or where they go but only that they "motor" away together. Abse wants to take his wife away from any dangers that might befall her and keep her isolated alongside him as a method of protection. In some ways, this could be a sign of survivors guilt in that Abse survived while his wife did not. It would be "just you, just me", showing that he places his wife before himself and the beautiful natural imagery that is described in such detail implies that this was a memory and that their relationship was pure and blossomed like nature-"hedges have wild business with roses and clematis".
• In the final stanza, Abse provides the alternative for how their time could be spent among the "hunkered blond sand dunes" mimicking the "old gods". Clearly, Abse believes their love to be almost "holy" and "blessed" and that love is the pathway to happiness as those gods that represented love or were in love were the happiest of them all. The fact that Abse refers to his wife Joan as "dear" illustrates the close relationship they shared whilst Abse also describes himself as "uxorious"- excessively fond of his wife and desperate to have her back. The final line, though cliché, is given a personal and affecting touch through the use of Abse's own name: "absence can't make Abse's heart grow fonder". This simple line shows the genuine nature and reality of their love and contrasts greatly with Larkin, who prefers the role of the detached observer. It is obvious throughout that Abse still loves his wife and deeply misses her, with the postcard allowing him an outlet for his feelings and a way to make him feel connected to his wife. The use of the third person, particularly in the last two lines, is a method of Abse disconnecting himself from the overwhelming grief and also makes it appear that the feelings are more valid and confirmed by an external source.
• The reference to religion in calling his wife "blessed" suggests that, to Abse, his wife was a symbol of purity and a blessing. Though their families disagreed with the marriage, Abse causes it to seem that the gods themselves smiled down on and accepted the relationship.
• The lack of a rhyme scheme shows how Abse is lost without his wife and his life is devoid of purpose whilst the use of enjambment displays how Abse was unable to control what happened to his wife and is now not able to control his emotions either.

Links to Larkin
Themes- 'Wild Oats'- Whilst Larkin clearly admired the "bosomy English rose" that he makes reference to, he never pursued a relationship with her and detaches himself from the feelings anyway. The "friend in specs" who he stayed in contact with for "seven years" is reduced to a series of items that he sent to her, implying that the years dragged by with little loving feeling and women are reduced to their personal appearance. In comparison, Abse admires his wife for her character and place in his life, showing much more of an emotional attachment.
'Ambulances'- Larkin's gloomy outlook on death does not seem to be misplaced as we are reminded of the cruel mortality of human beings. Though some people live their time, Abse's wife was cruelly snatched away, making the loss that much more tragic and hard to bear. A person's life is a unique "blend of families and fashion" which are reminisced on once that person is gone and in the place of the person is a "solving emptiness" which Abse understands all too well. Despite this, Abse continues to love his wife and to remember  her identity even in death, suggesting that people are not just "stowed" away to be forgotten.
'Love Songs in Age'- Sadly, it would appear that Larkin was also right here with his pessimistic view of love as when a loved one passes, those memories of love cannot sustain you. Memories alone are not enough and ultimately, love disappoints.
'Talking in Bed'- In this poem, Larkin is speaking of the breakdown of a relationship due to poor communication and indifference. Though this could not be more different to the close and intimate relationship that Abse and his wife shared, now that his wife has gone, the relationship has deteriorated, leaving an empty void and a postcard in its place.
'An Arundel Tomb'- What survives of us is love as Abse's love of his wife has survived beyond her death and if we did not know the context of this poem, we would not be mistaken for believing that she was still alive. Abse has memorialised the relationship with a poem, just as the tomb displayed the love of the couple for all to see in Larkin's poem, however, other monuments to love now feel empty without the source of your love ever being present.
'Dockery and Son'- Larkin refers to himself as an "unhindered moon" with no wife to hold him back and in may ways, does not regret not having a wife, however, Abse cannot imagine his life without his wife, even though she is now gone.
'Self's the Man'- Larkin refers to the idea of "dilution" in having a family and that all a wife is good for is stealing your personal time and money. The statement "she's there all day" suggests that a man has no escape from his wife but now that Abse is free of his wife, he cannot bear it and desperately wants her back. This would appear to go directly against Larkin's thoughts and show his ideas about marriage to be wrong.
'Home is so Sad'- When a family or person leaves a home, it "withers" and feels empty without that warm presence. Abse makes reference to the idea of the bed being too "big" as once that presence has been there, a mark has inextricably been left and the loss of the person is always felt.

Tone:
Desperate, grief-stricken, lonely: 'Home is so Sad', 'Love Songs in Age', 'Reference Back', 'Ambulances'
Loving: 'Broadcast', 'An Arundel Tomb'
Light-hearted humour: 'A Study of Reading Habits'

Technique:
The use of caesura to add impact and emotion to a sentence is similar also in 'Home is So Sad' and 'Talking in Bed'- "None of this cares for us".